Categorized | Kasi Diaries

#DivaDiaries: Borderline Prostitution

Have you ever wondered how some girls just manage to get it all? The trendiest clothes, latest shoe labels, Burberry coats and lavish handbags, the endless wining and dining in the most expensive restaurants. How do they do it? Well, I’m gonna break it down for you! They have been given a misleading title of “Gold-diggers”. But they are not, they are “Borderline Prostitutes”.

Yes, I said it!

I know a couple of women who indulge in this hobby. They didn’t find themselves in this desperate situation, they put themselves there. They are influenced by the likes of Khanyi Mbau and your Babalwa Mneno’s of this country. These are women that don’t want to work hard for anything and just want to use men who are wealthy to get these material things which they stupidly think that they couldn’t get for themselves. And don’t get it wrong, they are not victims here; they are well aware that they are being used for sex by these men. This is why their approach will always be on the slutty, whorish angle. They will even go as far as approaching a man themselves and start a coherent conversation about what they can do for each other. Like, to be their trophy girl or their whore, and this man just has to be her provider. He can be as ugly as sin, but if his wallet is thick then he will be her Denzel Washington, any day. Some women will take to using Muti (traditional medicine) to target the men that they want. But that’s another story for another day.

   

Lola’s boyfriend didn’t know that he was screened the day he introduced himself to her. She’d Googled on her Blackberry and his name appeared on the first page – jackpot! His substantial salary was important to her, as this would cover for her shopping sprees, and maintain her monthly hair salon visits which amount to about R8000. This made him her no.1 priority. She works around his schedule and it doesn’t bother her that he lives in Nigeria with his wife and kids. He commutes to South Africa every 3 months to see Lola and attend to business meetings. But Lola has to perfect herself by doing her hair, nails, heavy make-up when he is in the country. She is not allowed to see or date other men. Dinner dates are restricted to private restaurants or hotels where her outfit has to be corporate wear to avoid any speculations from the public.

I can handle all of the above compromises but the part where Lola has to play dumb when she’s with him so he can feel wiser, clever and more powerful is where I struggle. She has a degree in literature and that doesn’t matter to him. He once told her she must keep her mouth shut and only speak when spoken to. It was clear right there that stepping out of line meant cutting herself off from his funds.

Lola’s worst fear is that his wife will find out about this arrangement. It has become Lola’s responsibility to ensure she never does. She would be cut off immediately because he wasn’t prepared to lose his family over a fling with a 26 year old from South Africa who knew nothing about taking care of a real man. Lola wasn’t Nigerian, couldn’t cook a decent meal and wasn’t well-domesticated. Reality soon hit her when she received the most frightful email from a Dr-so-and-so saying, “Stay away from my husband. I am a very powerful woman and I will destroy you little girl.”

This was it. It was over for Lola. Now, she lives her life eyeing other rich men who only end up using her for worse things, and she doesn’t even get paid much from them. My question is, does she realize that she has crossed the line. Or is this borderline prostitution?

When do we realize that we have crossed the line?

Written by a DIVA – not a prostitute!

This post was written by:

- who has written 7 posts on Kasi Times.

Twitter: @tasjmadinda

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  • Fan

    I didn’t know all this and now i know… Really thought awaking read… Thanks

  • Yandy

    Nice one Diva. I suppose we can all relate we’ve met or know some of the Lola’s of this world. But who is dumb one here? I think the men can also be blamed for wanting to fullfill their fantasy of having a “Trophy Girl” at such exorbitant expense.

    • http://www.reddivadiaries.wordpress.com DIVA!

      Hi Yandi,

      Ya, it’s a 2 way thing. The men are just as to blame. It’s the same thing that Steve Harvey says that the only reason why men cheat is because there is alwas a woman who is willing to be the cheating partner. Same here, the only reason why women can do this to themselves is because there is always a man willing to be the provider for this act.

      Thanks for the support hun.

      Your no.1 DIVA!
      Tasj

  • Jabulani

    @Yandy: The fact of the matter is that the guy knows the score – as long as he forks out cash for the woman to support her flash lifestyle, she will be arm candy and lay on her back with her legs open whenever he desires. The woman may think she has the upper hand and is in control in this situation but that is so far from the truth. At the end of the day, she is nothing more than a plaything for the rich guy. When he’s decided he’s had enough of her or her looks start fading or a prettier, younger woman catches his eye, she will be discarded like an object that has outlived its usefulness. She will be discarded like an object because the man will see her as such. The man sees her as such because her behaviour has made him see her as nothing more than that.

    The saddest thing about these sort of situations is that younger women, young girls, see the Khanyi Mbau’s and Babalwa Mneno’s in Mzansi society – and think that this is acceptable and something they should strive for. When these women’s looks have faded, what then? They never bothered to build up their self-worth – they will never have developed themselves because they relied solely on their looks, not their intellect.

    “Gold digger” is just a euphimism for “prostitute”. But at least prostitutes are upfront about what they do, and don’t try to fool themselves or others.

  • Brian

    Interesting read indeed. . . . I’d like to reserve my comments on this one ngoba I think we share the same sentiments Tasj . . . Big Up for the Blog!

  • http://www.reddivadiaries.wordpress.com DIVA!

    Wow Mr Jabs!

    I know you have real strong views about this topic. I am actually glad to hear it from the male’s point of view. It’s weird how you WOULD rather blame it on the woman. But how about how the same can happen to the man. You see women like Khanyi have a strategy. It’s all for their gain right now! Khanyi played Mandla (am not condoning her actions) but she played him and she got fame and fortune for that. The truth is more rich men wanted her now that ever. She left Mandla onto another rich man who had new money and he was so dumb to fall for it that he compromised his life, got involved in Muti and kinda put a huge dent in his marriage. He was the stupid one here to entertain this because Khanyi is who she is and they know what she is about they still entertain her and who falls short right now – they do. Khanyi is still young and can change her life right now (which I hope she is) but will Theinus and Mandla ever get back their money, their dignity and will their relationships ever be the same….I am not sure….

    So I think in this case both the man and the woman are actually making foolish decisions.

    But again you have valid points on how this can actually turn out bad from a woman’s persepctive….

    Let’s keep talking.

  • LUCY – lu

    Wasup…..

    I liked the article – once again the orginal DIVA nails it. My input is that labels are not necessary as they are normally directed at woman eg is there a name for the golddigger’ provider?, like is there a name for a woman who sells (a Prostitute) and what’s the client’s name? I fully agree with Yandy and would even go further to say pedophiles, cheating husbands/partners, pervets are hiding behind these terms to feed their inequities. I suppose its tit for tat – She gets the money & he gets the benefits of a trophy….lols. As for the sisters out there looks depreciate sooner or later you would need to fend for yourself besides it will not cost much to explore your other talents and other avenues who knows you might end up with clean and more money that doesnt come with labels.

    he said it…….”Every no good woman, was made a no good woman by a no good man” – R Kelly.

    • http://www.reddivadiaries.wordpress.com DIVA!

      Thanks Lucy Lu. Well put.

  • MV

    True, the sad thing in a society with economical imbalance based on gender is that there will be girls willing to “sell” their souls to escape poverty. The issue goes to the core of the moral degeneration of our communities and the “bling” life these girls see on TV just continues this rot.They want to be “Top Shayela” without putting ” Top Sebenza.” Very good article Tasj, I just wish that some girls realised that there is more to life than material success.

    Talking to my friend who is involved in such a situation ( the sad by product of being a typical BEE, too much money,too much time) it seems like its a power & control think more than a physical one. It seems its just their way of owning a human pet. Sad really.

    • http://www.reddivadiaries.wordpress.com DIVA!

      MV – I hadnt looked at it from that angle – POVERTY! I agree that it could also be the influence or reason behind this whole new money / easy money thing.

      Whilst that is a sad case on it’s own – the sadder part is the girls that I have come across who do this come from wealthy and stable sustainable backgrounds that they are willing to trade off for this easy lifestyle. Then they get to a point of desperation because they have left their cosy, paying 9-5pm jobs for this unpredictable life that they are willing to do whateevr to pay rent and to keep up with the fashion trends and such.

      Thanks for the feedback and for throwing another angle at this topic.

      Your No.1 DIVA.
      Tasj

  • Jabulani

    @Lucy: You make very valid points. But the fact of the matter is that this scenario is almost pure economics – there’s a willing buyer and willing seller. So the victim mentality of “Every no good woman, was made a no good woman by a no good man”. How about “No good men exist because there are plenty of no good women who are to willing to feed that no good part of him”. Women need to empower themselves. Khanyi Mbau comes from a well-off family but she wanted status, fame and the bling lifesyle – to be the black Paris Hilton of Mzansi. But she wasn’t willing to work hard for it. Talentless is the new talented. I respect women like Basetsane Khumalo, Dr. Precious Moloi-Motsepe, Nkhensani Nkosi, Uyanda Mbuli, Wendy Luhabe and the like. They are self-made women and didn’t rely on using their sexuality and looks to build their empires and achieve wealth, fame and status. More importantly, they didn’t rely on sleeping with a man. Oh, and the term you’re looking for (for the client of a prostitute) is “john”.

    @MV: You’re so on point with your comment that “They want to be ‘Top Shayela’ without putting ‘Top Sebenza’”. It sums it up perfectly. And again, you’re right when you say it’s less about physical pleasure (that’s just an enjoyable by-product) than it is about the guys feeding their egos. They know they have control of the female in that situation by virtue of them having more money. So as long as there women willing to be in those situations, there will be men willing to degrade and debase them. Again, simple economics – willing seller (woman) and willing buyer (man). If there were no willing sellers, there would be no willing buyers.

    Of these, are just my thoughts and opinions on the matter.

  • amc

    Well put Tasj, we read and see these things every day to a point where we start perceiving them as normal behaviour forgetting that the next generation will take it to the next level.

  • http://www.kasitimes.co.za Musa

    Is prostitution ‘wrong’? This blog’s premise seems to suggest that.

    Secondly, is ‘gold digging’ wrong? I think not. Human beings have always sought to better themselves, climb up the social ladder and live better lives.

    You’d be suprised how many people married for exactly that and leaned to love their spouse along the way. It is waht it is, for 11 head of cattle, I can get any girl is some places.

    Thats why in rural villages a taxi owner always married a school teacher or a nurse, regardless of whether he could read on not.Don’t even mention looks.

    Leave Khanyi and Babs alone, many women (and men!) look out for whats best for them and go for it.It’s the way of life, let it be. Consenting adults should do as they please, within the bounds of the law.

    Besides, how many times have I heard that the best thing that evere happened to man is a whore.No wonder they (whores) always get married. They might know something ‘good’ gilrs don’t!!

    • http://www.reddivadiaries.wordpress.com DIVA!

      Well Musa,

      I will answer for me and only me. This is Tasj answering not the DIVA! The DIVA tends to have an open mind about such things and is quite liberal.

      But my lines are very clear with no grey areas. In the eyes of God and the law, prostitution is wrong. That should close this topic however, it doesnt. Yes, people come from different backgrounds and situations which is why sometimes one can end up with addictions or even such behaviours like promiscuity, abusive behaviuours, self destructive behaviours,etc.

      Khanyi and Babs are not the best examples our there for young impressionable kids. When you pyut youtrself out there as a celebrity you need to understand and be ready for this role because you automatically become a role model. Khanyi says she is no role model – but this is when she is being attacked about her behaviour, but you should listen to he carefully. I have heard time again advising women to want luxury from men, and such stupid thigns that dont belong on DIVA’s blog.

      Anyway, to answer your question – prostitution and gold-digging are both wrong. I’d like to see how your kids turn out and if you would be very encouraging should they want to take a “profession”in prostitution or if they settle as gold diggers and allow various countless men to devalue them and abuse them because they feel like they own them. And please let us not even begin to compare this to our tradition of lobola because that is just comparing apples with bananas. I could get into the whole lobola thing but lobola – we all know is NOT an indication of ownership for a woman.

      This is Tasj – schooling you. Not the DIVA!

      Signing out 0 Tasj

  • http://www.kasitimes.co.za Musa

    Excuse the spelling errors, typing and thinking of ‘whores’ muddles up things a bit!

  • http://twitter.com/labujat/status/203216196118659072/ Labuja Hamidu (@labujat)

    okay!“@esallyn: ThanksRT”@malaika642: @esallyn @labujat Barbz wealthy? haha Dont believe the hype http://t.co/BOF5J9pR” cc@labujat”

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